The day of the PET Scan - 15 Oct

Prof Tay requested for me to do a PET scan as it has been 1.5 years since my illness was detected. I had no idea what a PET scan was but the words Daniel told me were revelatory enough - "Everything that can be seen, Will be seen". That was enough to set me thinking and solemn for a long time.

Last night, after prayer meeting, I decided to wash Sarah up and put her to bed early since I was expected to be at the clinic at 8:30 am. As she was happily playing with her bath toys as usual, I decided to explain to her. "Sarah, mommy is going to the hospital for a check up to see if she is well. And she needs to rest early. Let's keep the toys and sleep early together." I was not expecting her to respond immediately but delay for a while to play her new found game of filling the plastic bag and letting it fall to the bathroom floor with a big splash. But Sarah quietly picked up her toys and emptied her plastic bag and obediently placed them onto my toiletries' shelf. Then she turned to me and suddenly, burst into tears and cried,"Mommy don't go hospital. Mommy not pain." I was startled at her reaction and tried to explain to her, "Mommy is not in pain. She just needs to check if she is well. Mommy is not in pain." Sarah continued to cry and cover her eyes. Oh dear, oh dear, mommy's eyes started to well up with tears as she saw precious Sarah trying to convince Mommy not to go to the hospital through her tears. I managed to carry her out of the bathroom, towel her and dress her up in her night clothes. Sarah hugged me real tight that night and before she slept, she said, "Mommy well?" I was glad that little Sarah didn't see the tears flowing out of mommy's eyes during the darkness of night as mommy patted her to sleep.

Early the next morning, we left the house before the kids were up. The journey to the clinic was smooth and seamless and I was glad for that because I needed the non-disturbance. I needed to mentally 'hold on' to what I have learnt and remembered about who God is, lest my mind is spun into an abyss of hopelessness and despair. My gracious God knows that I needed Him and I am so glad that He knew. God gave me much comfort in my physical environment. I had some time with Daniel before the procedure began to speak with Him and read the Bible. The nurses at the clinic were a great blessing. They ushered me from the beginning of the procedure to the last seamlessly and never at one point was I left wondering what I should do next. I soon began to realize that I was to be injected with a radioactive dye and made to rest in a room for half and hour before the scan. Of course, I had to rest in the room alone without Daniel because I was sort of like a walking radioactive object. With the lights dimmed and reading prohibited so as to ensure that the body receives the least form of stimulation and anxiety, I had to lie down and try to relax. Trying to relax as you can imagine was especially challenging. With the centralised air-condition blasting at me, and with the knowledge that my body is gradually becoming radioactive were enough to make me anxious, not to mention, the pristine silence of the room and the possible outcomes of the scan. Oh, how important the mind was in this situation - that the Spirit would bring to remembrance His Word as only His Word can give us true confidence and hope. My mind was directed to Phil 4:6, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." I spent the rest of my time in the wait room recalling and thanking God for every single loved one, family and friends that He has brought to my way to minister to me. When our minds are focussed on our blessings, we are inadvertently drawn to remember our God who is the Giver of many good and perfect gifts. That doesn't give much place to anxiety and worry as it is all divinely displaced. What a blessing to experience the reality of God's Word. Praise and glory to a gracious, loving and faithful God! He knew that I needed all the help I could get to set my failing feet on the broad path. Before I knew it, my half hour was up and I was ready to do my scan.

A PET scan requires one to lie down on a bed that moves in and out of a capsule. This is for imaging of the body to be done. Before the scan began, the nurse reminded me not to move. It's those kind of instructions that paralyses you because you fear that you would do the exact opposite of what was required. Suddenly, I felt so conscious of moving that I felt myself twitching [or was it my imagination]. I shut my eyes tight and did not breath at times because I did not want my body to move. It was the longest 20 minutes possible.

As we left the clinic and travelled home [with a radioactive me], a call came from the doctor to herald the good news that it was a clear and normal scan. This time more than other times, I was very very overwhelmed  - overwhelmed with my own unworthiness of His unfailing grace and mercy to me. As I called my parents and sister on the phone, my Dad detected that I sounded pensive. "Why?" he asked. I could only reply, "Just thankful, very thankful." And he answered me knowingly, "Yes".

A Milestone Set up for My Lord as a 
Reminder to Unworthy Me - Deut 8

1 “Every commandment which I command you today you must be careful to observe, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers. 2 And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. 3 So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. 5 You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son,so the LORD your God chastens you.6 “Therefore you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. 7 For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, that flow out of valleys and hills; 8 a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; 9 a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing; a land whose stones are iron and out of whose hills you can dig copper. 10 When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you. 11 “Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments, His judgments, and His statutes which I command you today, 12 lest—when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them; 13 and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and your gold are multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied; 14 when your heart is lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage; 15 who led you through that great and terrible wilderness, in which were fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty land where there was no water; who brought water for you out of the flinty rock; 16 who fed you in the wilderness with manna, which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do you good in the end— 17 then you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth.’ 18 “And you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day. 19 Then it shall be, if you by any means forget the LORD your God, and follow other gods, and serve them and worship them, I testify against you this day that you shall surely perish. 20 As the nations which the LORD destroys before you, so you shall perish, because you would not be obedient to the voice of the LORD your God.