This week has been a challenging week as we struggled to put to bed 2 very jet lagged kids, and more so, to put them to sleep together on the same bed. Sarah and Samuel were very awake because of the 7 hour difference and more so because they seldom sleep together in the same room much since my illness. They are excited at the prospect of having each other in the same room and normally, that means play. They would jump and play with each other, try to sleep and then pop back up on the bed, playing with each other again.
The first night, Samuel and Sarah simultaneously woke up at 1:30 am, just when I stepped back into the house after fetching Rubi from the airport. They looked like they were not going to sleep anytime soon. So off we trod to the nearby dim sum place at 2:00 am and ate our "dinner" there. I think we must have been a rather disapproving sight to the other late night diners. Which other family would have young toddlers awake at this time and in the middle of Geylang? *tsk tsk* Haha...but the sight of ravenous Sammy gobbling up fried carrot cake and Sarah eating her 'har kow' was a sight to behold. Well, the kiddos did finally fall asleep at 6:00 am and never woke up till 3 pm the next day.
This pattern went on for the next couple of days with them eventually sleeping at 5:30 am. I was exhausted. Perhaps, I was made more exhausted because I wanted very much for them to return to their usual schedule 'fast'. My self pity did not help the situation either. I started to make excuses in my mind and wanted to put them in their separate rooms because I believed it would hasten the recovery process as well as maintain my sanity. I wanted to systematically eradicate factors which would aggravate their jetlag and reinforce others which would expedite their recovery. But each time, these attempts were rejected by Daniel. Much to my frustration, he challenged the notion of convenient motherhood that I had and made me question the lies of motherhood that are idealized and oversimplified by motherhood books. Much of motherhood that I knew was really not divinely inspired but rather humanly motivated.
Everytime I gave up, Daniel [who has a myriad of things to do - sermon preparation, camp preparation and other family preparations] took over. He showed me through his example that non sleeping kids are not something to fret about. "Cherish the moment", he urged me. He switched off the lights, grabbed 2 of his book torches and started to engage the kiddos a question and answer game. The kids stopped jumping and whining and soon they were seated right in front of him, fighting to answer his questions. Who is Sarah's brother? Who is Samuel's sister? Who is Daddy's wife? Who is Mommy's husband? Who is Daddy's mommy? Sarah was really listening and she answered most accurately. Sammy was busy playing with his torch light and swinging it around. They were intrigued at the game and marvelously, they were learning at the same time.
Sigh...Why do I always fail to see these moments when I am in it? Why do I always look back wistfully at these moments and wish I had responded differently? I believe...the answer to this lies in [believe it or not] "theology" as well as a right view of life. A right theology would mean that many things in life do not have a cause-and-effect relationship, as much as we human beings wish it to be. God's sovereign act of grace and mercy is at work more than we can ever imagine. We humans are so used to manipulating our situations to achieve our desired effects that we think that that is how the world is run. God transcends all of the above and many things in this world cannot be explained without a cognition of a greater divine power. A right view of life - one of the greater lessons I took back from London is that real life is a hard life. Life is not neatly packaged, trimmed nor presented on a silver platter. Life in many parts of the world is fought with much blood and sweat. That 'life is hard and difficult' is a way of life rather than a sign of extraordinary circumstance. I have much to learn....
This lesson of real life is reinforced as I read a blog that was forwarded to me by a friend who manages a Christian bookshop. He says that it is his favorite blog,
www.sheepdogger.blogspot.com , and I can clearly see why. As I sat at a wedding dinner tonight and read this blog, I must say, it was a most beautiful evening of interacting with good food and the words on this blog [the time saving wonders of the iphone]. It was a most sobering read of a father who chronicles his struggles and learnings as he takes care of his special needs child with the strength and grace of his heavenly Father. As I read of how this boy would only sleep for 5 hours in the night, and during this time, grunting and kicking through the night, as well as the difficult bath times and the constant scare they have when this boy goes missing..Throughout the wedding dinner, amidst the playing band, the merry making and the hearty conversations, I felt all my complaints muted, my frustrations dissipated, my heart and mind drawn towards the Light [that is what Christ centred writing do to our hearts], I was most moved and very humbled...ashamed at the exasperation I had with my almost 'ideal' circumstance.
Thank you God, for the people that You have placed in this world, who would not have otherwise be considered as 'heroes', but who are faithful in what You have placed under their charge. These people truly are 'witnesses' for you as they encourage other Christians in the life you have given them to live - for your Glory alone. Thank you God for Daniel, who walks so close to me, that many times, I fail to see the witness he is for You.
