Finally after 2 long days of moving from doctor to doctor and being scanned several times, I had time to lie and rest. Many have said to me, "Don't worry. Don't be afraid." In all honesty, I know not how to respond to that. I asked God to search my heart many times, to try me and know my thoughts. And it was really puzzling. So puzzling that I had to ask Daniel. Why do I not feel a tinge of fear or anxiety? Is it because I did not care? Is it because I did not understand my situation? Is it because I took confidence in myself? Or is this truly the perfect peace that surpasseth all understanding that Christ has promised? Was it the prayers of His people that have placed a hedge around me that I experience no fear? I admit, I was confounded. I only desired God's to reveal to me about this matter.
My 1st weight: To understand from whence this peace comes from
Mostly at about 5 am nowadays, Sarah would stand herself up in her cot and start crying. She stops when we pick her up and place her on our bed right in the middle of Daniel and I. It is not a recommended practice but well...we gave in. After that ritual that night, I looked at Daniel and Sarah fast asleep. They look alike when they are sleeping, so peaceful and protected. But looking at two of the most precious people in my life, my heart was sad. My husband had gone through much anxiety over the events of my life in the past 2 years and now this. Sarah is a beautiful and sensitive girl [of course not forgetting that she does a mean holler] and I wish to be there for her as she grows up.
My 2nd weight: To be able to love and spend time with Daniel and baby Sarah
But what came as the heaviest weight are the names of those who have not know the Lord. Top on my list was my dearest mommy. It has been a long time ....Although she has allowed my sister and I to attend church since we were 5, she has not trusted in the Lord. Following the list, came Sarah's godma Viola, my colleagues Yanting, Hayimini, Mdm Chang, Azlan and some names that I believe the Lord placed on my heart. I pray that the Lord would use me through this to testify of His goodness - but He has to teach me how.]
My 3rd weight: That the people mentioned would come to trust the Lord Jesus as their personal Lord and Saviour.
My final weight is that the Lord would do a mighty work in our church, amongst our people. That as a church, we would live above the pettiness of men, above the cares and trappings of the world, and that together, in humbility, we would battle the gates of Hell and fulfill God's commission for us- just as the church of Acts did.
"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. " 2 Chronicles 7:14
My 4th weight: That the Lord would revive us
My heart cried to the Lord as I fell asleep that night
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