Thursday, January 05, 2012

Reflecting on year 2011 - Part Two: Daniel

Unknown to many in the beginning of the year, we (or more accurately Dan) were about to embark on our next brave move. I will dedicate this entry to my husband, whom I will say unabashedly is really a special and gifted man [in all areas] and a very intelligent one too.

Because of my illness in 2008, our family's plans to head to UK for two years were permanently diverted. The move to UK was primarily to obtain first hand experience of how Radiation Oncology is practiced in UK so that the examinations can be taken and passed before moving onto the next stage in his work.

At the end of year 2010 and the start of year 2011, Daniel decided to go for it. To take this examination, in spite of not having lived in UK for two years and not having been familiarized with the UK medical scene or their practices. This is a brave and unprecedented move [unknown to his colleagues] and one that I think I could only imagine but not fully comprehend. Going for the examinations meant that he now had to plan his days and leave, to appropriately allocate his time between our big move as well as his studies and his examinations. It was a stressful period of time as he was concerned that the kids and I would settle comfortably and safely into our new place before he buried himself in his studies and flew off to UK for his examinations alone.

During this period of time, I learnt more about my husband than I ever did and I learnt how to learn through his example. With time ticking furiously on his side, he never was once tempted to rush headlong into his books. He never let time pressure him into meaningless activity. That is one thing I am completely susceptible to and I am still learning how to resist unnecessary timelines or obligations.

He found time to step back to understand the British and how they work - for they were his examiners. Listening to him as he sounded out his thoughts about the British system is fascinating because I think Dan is an expert in human behavior. Or I figure, all it is, is that Dan is genuinely interested in knowing a person and how the person thinks instead of telling people what he thinks. That is another thing I need to learn from him.

In the midst of understanding the British system, he devoted a significant portion of his time looking for relevant materials to study rather than the actual studying itself. At Dan's stage of is practice, no longer is information found in a single comprehensible textbook for one to memorize and regurgitate as information of illnesses and its treatment is dynamic and still evolving. So he was searching and googling and downloading materials for a large part of the time. Only when that was completed, he dived into his materials. We are also thankful that good friends rendered help too.

All this time, he was negotiating his many responsibilities as a husband, a father and with his other commitments. And he was always so aware of God in his life. Before he left for UK, he told me that this is a close to impossible feat for any individual but he was going to try all the same. Both of us knew that while all the preparations have been made, passing the examinations remained a remote possibility. We were undoubtedly very daunted but very hopeful - in the Lord. 

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Till today, I still remember the scene when his results were revealed. As usual, Sarah and Sammy were oblivious to the happenings going on except for the fact that they were missing their daddy very much. They were swinging at an outdoor playground as the sun was setting and I was trying desperately to find out his results without an internet connection. When I finally got through to Daniel and knew that he passed, it was a moment to remember. With the kids playing in gay abandon in the background, a wave of emotions came over me - Of unbelief, of astonishment, of thankfulness and gratefulness. As we learnt a couple of months later with the examiner's report, it was truly a near impossible feat as only two non UK trained Asian doctors passed.

This brought me back to the time when we were trying to know for sure if we needed to go ahead with chemo before I delivered or do it after I have delivered. And when we felt like God was so silent and far away, he sent us a beautiful aerial display of sparrows right before our eyes one morning. Those birds swopping left and right and over and down in front of our eyes was just like God telling us through his nature, "I am here and I am with you".The news of Daniel's passing the examination was God's great comfort to us and it was as if he told us yet again, "I am here and I am with you." It was one of those moments again.

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In 2011, I learnt more about God's grace and more about the man whom I married. 

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