I will Be thankful Now and Always for my Samuel

Even as I begin to write this entry, I almost thought I was going to write a reflection of 2010. Haha...I am not even there yet. Not yet. I have decided to record down my dear Samuel. My little boy is growing - taller, stronger, older and haha...more difficult. 

Sammy is different from his easy going sister. Sammy is really particular. He is particular about everything. He is particular about being woken up from his sleep. He is particular about having to share his bed with his sister. He is particular about people peering into his cot and watching him sleep [when he realizes it]. He is particular about people showering kisses and hugs to him. He is particular about people intruding into his enormously large personal space. He is particular about a certain itch. Haha...literally Sammy is particular with every single irritation. And in recent weeks, Sammy does not seem to be aware of how his physical actions may hurt others. 

My initial reaction was to spring into action and take decisive disciplinary actions. And that I did. As I took time to reflect, I will still take those decisive discipline actions because I know that it will save him in the long haul. But above all, I am reminded how much I need to cover Sammy and myself and the rest of my family in prayer - that my children, myself included are works of God in progress - from depravity to redemption.

Believe or not, I know I am going to look back at this phase in his 'particular' life [no pun intended] when he is all grown up and wish that it didn't end. As for now, Sammy and his life and his progress and his particular-ness will be my prayer - I pray that God would show Sammy much grace in his life. 

I am again encourage by www.sheepdogger.blogspot.com and in his latest entry as he rummaged through some old photos, he writes, "Kim and I both shook our heads and smiled as we simultaneously realized that these memories came from a time in our history when we were hoping for better times, not realizing that these were the best of times".

It echoes what Daniel always said to me. Out hope for better times often causes us to miss out on the perfect gift of the present that God has graciously bestowed to us. And perhaps it is the definition of "the best of times" that needs to be relooked. Perhaps, the best of times are not only reserved for those period of peace or those times when one is free from difficulties. But rather, the best of times are when we are assured that in spite of all, God is gracious and has given us His best because God loves us and He cannot deny himself. 

So for the record, here is a picture of a very unhappy Samuel in the morning who was woken up from his sleep and changed out of his pjs apart from his will. While I will be praying and looking forward to the breaking of his will and his particular-ness by God, I will cherish these times as the best of times. Because there will come a time, when all that is present will fade into a memory. I love you Sammy boy:)

Ho Ho Ho! Blessed Christmas One and All!

Christmas Advent for Sarah and Sammy

I was thinking about Christmas Advent and I finally got down to designing something for the kids. I hope to do one for the church next year - send a daily email every day from Dec 1st till Dec 24th with appropriate verses, poems, messages or even art pieces so that we can all truly appreciate and celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus. 

We are a couple of days late - but thought it good for the kids to memorize Isaiah 9:6 this Christmas season. This was partly inspired by Bible Truth Music [introduced by Auntie CC], a bible based kids music company which puts lovely tunes to bible verse [albeit KJV, I would love it in ESV:)]. The song for our season is "For Unto Us A Child is Born". If you would like to listen to the song, you can go to the above link and hear the preview. Sarah loves the tempo of the song and she can play it over and over and over again in the car. Sammy, who loves to parrot Sarah naturally likes this song too. And I am so thrilled that they both love the song. So for at least 10 days, we will do a craft for each section of the verse and hang it on their tiny Christmas trees which I bought from our faithful craft store Daiso. 

[Feel free to download and print the above - a result of an afternoon of playing around with font and colors.]

Day 1 - FOR UNTO US. A simple 30 mins with the kids as we sang the song and read the 3 words "For Unto Us". I explained to the kids that God sent Jesus Christ for us - Sarah, Sammy, Daddy, Mommy, Auntie Rubi and everyone. 

Q: Who did God send Jesus for? 

A: For Unto Us

Q: Who does "us" refer to?

A: Sarah starts naming the family. Mommy adds, "Yes, and for everyone in the world"

Day One craft was a small globe that the kids helped to make using colored foam pieces. They got to cut out the land and stick it onto their blue globe. String the globe and that becomes their first christmas tree ornament. According to Sarah and Sammy, they have got Africa stuck on their globe. See if you can spot it.

Day 2 - A CHILD IS BORN. 

Q: Who is the child?

A: Baby Jesus!

Sarah adds: Jesus is our Father! [that is really the complex relationship that I still haven't figured how Sarah could repeat it all the time. Maybe she doesn't understand it, or maybe she does.

Day Two was a familiar craft of wrapping a baby figure with our never ending purple serviette and what took up the bulk of the fun and started a period of focussed distraction was the mini manual paper shredder from  - yup, Diaso again. 

Holiday Fun - Nov & Dec

Yup..we have been busy. The things we do for kids sometimes...haha. This post will continually be updated till 31st Dec.

Home Inspiration

In the midst of all the happenings and the routines of life, it has been quite therapeutic and fun [at times absorbing] working out the design of our new home. I am getting much of my inspiration from Scandinavian Design [mainly whites with natural lines of wood] and the occasional Retro find from unexpected places. And topping that up with splashes of turquoise. 

Things that would be cool in the house:)

 

 

In Remembrance of Our Gong Gong

Eulogy by Daniel on 11th November 9:30 am - Mr Seethor Fai, my ‘Gong Gong’

• THE LIFE

Gong Gong led a full hearty life. He enjoyed his food, his outings, his festive occasions, his family gatherings, his travels, his entertainment, his gadgets, his education and needless to say, his family members, everyone one of them, with a fathers heart. He demonstrated a (grand)father's love that was unconditional, that wasn't dependent on performance or what you did or did not do for him. He was genuinely concerned for every individual’s (children, grandchildren, in-laws) life and family, and was only concerned that life will be well for them. He didn’t want anyone left behind. He gave us a glimpse of the heart of our Heavenly Father. Matt 7:11 says ‘If you then, being evil (meaning of a sinful nature), know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!’ Gong Gong helps us to understand this verse better because he was a model Father/grandfather, who gave us a taste of what a blessed Father/Child relationship is like. Having understood such a relationship, we can then more easily entrust ourselves to God, who describes Himself as our Heavenly Father. Gong Gong must be in good hands now. This is a great comfort.

Most people think that having lived such a full and blessed life, it is ok to go, especially at age 81, but in all honesty, it really isnt as simple as that. It wasnt easy for him, it isnt easy for us. Do not underestimate death; it is rude, it is harsh, it is an intruder. 

• THE MEMORIES

Let us enjoy some memories of him, I'll share those which have left impressions on me and taught me some important lessons.

Gong Gong led a hard life; tough situation; he had no choice; he had overwork to provide for family; he came back late and hardly saw children. He sacrificed family time. It was painful, but he had no choice; He had to do it. He said as we were eating porridge at Goodwood Park on one occasion, ‘mei you ban fa, bu zuo bu xing’. Perhaps his Zest for life and his family in his later years comes from playing catch up (with all that he could not do before), and he didn't seem to get enough of it

One lesson I learnt from Gong Gong is that Life is real. Stakes are high, choices have to be made, the price has to be paid, consequences will be borne. We cannot cheat life with short term strategies; we have got to face them with humble submission. And Gong Gong did just that and We are so thankful that God allowed him so see fruits of his labors, and I believe more than compensated for the sacrifices he made. All of life is truly a blessing. Gong Gong lived a life of principle and conviction; Will I live a life of principle and conviction? What is my conviction? May God help us live lives of convictions worth living for.

The second lesson that I am reminded is that we stand on giant's shoulders; our opportunities are at the cost of someone else’s sacrifice. Our children's opportunities depend on our present building. I ask myself, what foundations am I building for my family?

Gong Gong treasured relationships and remembered details. He was not too proud to make the 1st move

He was willing to be vulnerable in his expressions of love as well as needs and desires. I believe he got his priorities right, especially remembering that he really was a traditional Cantonese man. He would always buy lanterns for the kids without fail; and every May day, he would treat his whole family to Macdonalds rain or shine, full or half attendance;  Advance festive email greetings and sharing of photographs.. sometimes with minimal acknowledgement.  Now we will miss those ‘childish’ emails and those special festivals.

I remember when my family was going through the crisis, we didn’t see much of him, but it wasn’t because he did not care. I am sure he was very concerned, and kept himself updated through my parents

- Periodically and systematically he would pass us a box of 'brand's essence, with a red packet written on it ‘God's blessings'. Even though at that time I did not have the mind to thank him, these well wishes still came. This was how he expressed his care from a distance, and this was how he professed his faith in God. He was a sensitive, sweet man, who knew his place, and was mindful of others, and expressed himself with simple but thoughtful gestures. 

It is a great privilege and blessing to experience this special relationship. The lesson I have learnt from his example is that we only have that many opportunities to love and enjoy relationships around us. Are we living in the present, and cherishing each opportunity, or are we presuming on the future?  We must also be willing to be humble and vulnerable like he was, if we cherish the relationships we have been blessed with. Gong Gong teaches us to receive God's blessings of relationships with gratefulness and humility

• THE DEATH

His journey to death has left an indelible mark on me. He knew his body was failing, but he didn't know it would be that fast. He repeated that he had no complains and no  regrets but he also acknowledged that ' no one wishes to die'. He suffered towards the end, but received suffering with dignity and humility. He accepted his lot. He treasured the comfort given to him through family, songs, scripture, and prayer. He enjoyed the ministry he received. He faced his mortality with silent courage and humility. He was neither triumphalistic, nor fatalistic. He assessed the situation and made decisions accordingly. 

But alas rationality, discipline and medicine could not prevent the inevitable. He was a great man, but great men need help, great men need love and great men still have to die. This I learnt for myself up close. He might have caught glimpses of the heavenly city and raved about its beauty in his last weeks. Yet he still loved his family and his present life. He affirmed his future hope and glory when questioned, yet he wasnt going to rush into heavenly glory. His experience teaches me the complexity of straddling between the physical world and the spiritual world. There is a sense of the reality of a future hope and glory, but we still approach it with trepidation because we haven’t been there before. I believe faith in God in this life and in death is simple but it is definitely not simplistic. We need to respect this fact, because I saw my GG grappling with it. That is also why the scripture takes great pains to comfort and assure believers of the reality of the risen Christ and the future hope. The strongest foundation for the Christian’s hope is the historical and certain reality of Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. Because only if He did, he is able to raise all those who put their trust in Him for the forgiveness of sin. I urge you all to affirm this fact for yourselves, so that we may know the reality of Gong Gong’s resurrection, and ours too.

I don’t know if i can do better than he did being placed in the same situation. In his death, we had the privilege to observe closely and learn from his experience. May the lord grant us grace as he did to Gong Gong when our time comes. I hope I’ll be ready.

May we not underestimate death. May we all have a strong and sustainable hope of future glory. May God grant us faith and spiritual eyes to discern the heavenly kingdom. 

• CONCLUDING WORDS

When this funeral is all over, the reality of his absence will hit us. Right now, he remains in my mind, as the jovial Gong Gong as captured on this picture, so full of life and mind. It is difficult to fathom this separation, which will always remain a mystery to me, one moment here, one moment gone...But we are thankful for the precious memories and graces of God that were showered on Him, and our family; he will continue to live on in our hearts. These temporal joys and memories lay the foundation and hope for a brighter future when we all meet again.

The scripture uses pictures of earthly bliss to communicate heavenly realities to us. That heavenly reality refers to being in the presence of God, all of us, together If scripture is true, then things will only get better.

Thank you Gong Gong for the precious memories of our friendship. Thank you Jesus for being man's only hope. Thank you for coming to share our grief 

Death through the eyes of Sarah

Late last week and this week took an unexpected turn as we saw Daniel's grandfather go for his medical checkup and was warded for dehydration and then swiftly moved to the ICU where he would spend his final days there. It wasn't easy for any of the children nor grandchildren and even his great grandchildren. 

Dear little Sarah was trying to reconcile the concept of death between Jesus and her great grandfather. Last Friday night, as we laid to rest, Sarah asked a string of questions after we told her why great grandpa was lying with tubes in his body. And that it is going to be soon when Jesus takes great grandpa to heaven.

Sarah: How?

Mommy: How what?

Sarah: How Jesus take Zeng Gong Gong to heaven? Jesus carry him? *cradle her arms*

Mommy: *nodded*

Sarah: What about his wheelchair?

Mommy: Zeng Gong Gong doesn't need his wheelchair in heaven. He will have a new body.

Sarah: New body?

Mommy: Zeng Gong Gong will have a new body and a new heart.

Sarah: How? *pause* Jesus open the skin and put a new heart?

Mommy: We don't know how the new body will be like but Zeng Gong Gong will not need his wheelchair. 

Sarah: How did Jesus come down from the cross?

Mommy: You mean his body?

Sarah: Who take Jesus body from the cross?

Mommy: The soldiers...

Sarah: How? They have to take out the nails first before taking Jesus..

Mommy: *I seriously haven't thought about this before* Hmmm...Yes, they would need to take out the nails first..

Sarah: Painful?

Mommy: No, because Jesus has died already.

Mommy: Do you love Jesus?

Sarah: Yes

Mommy: Do you believe that Jesus is God's Son?

Sarah: Yes. And Jesus is my Father!

Mommy: Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross for you?

Sarah: *became distracted* and started playing...

I slowly began to realize how difficult it was for dear Sarah. She was firstly confronted with this abstract concept of death...and then she is trying to understand the death of mortal man and immortal Christ who was made flesh. But I am heartened to see these realities of life and the truth of God's word making headway and inroads in the mind of Sarah. God grant me wisdom to teach and God gives her grace and light to believe.

Who Jesus is to Sarah and Samuel

Sarah and Samuel have been learning truths about Jesus consistently throughout their BSF time. I do admit, that sometimes I wonder how their little minds, could grappling with all those truths found in the Book of John and at the same time,  trying to decode letters and words. Cos their mommy is finding the  Book of John a very rich and profound book indeed.

Just a couple of months ago, Sarah was sitting in her carseat and she blurted out, "I Love Jesus." Daniel and I did a head turn. "Sure", we thought in our minds. Just like how she 'loved' 101 other things. Then she said it again, "I love Jesus". "Just like how you love Daddy and Mommy?" I probed. Sarah nodded and our car journey continued. Mommy pondered and kept Sarah's declaration in her heart. 

Just a couple of weeks ago, Sarah, sitting in her carseat again said, "Jesus is my Father." Hmmm...that made me stopped a little longer than the first declaration a couple months back. This was the same Sarah who was religious about names. What do I mean? When she was two, I would tell her, "You are my darling". Sarah's response took me aback. Because she started to cry angrily, "No...No, I am Sarah, I am not darling." Another time, I remembered telling her that Mommy's Chinese Name is Xiu'en, she cried angrily again and said, "No....You are Mommy Joann." So, as you can see, Sarah is a stickler for names.  Daddy Daniel is very precious to Sarah and it seems no one can take his place. So when she said and repeated that Jesus is my Father...it made me pause and ponder and keep this declaration in my heart. 

Sammy has been learning truths...perhaps without as much understand as his older sister. But it amuses me all the same...he came into the car last week, repeating, "Feed my lambs"...Hahah.

I am thankful for BSF where the children are taught faithfully God's truth. These truths have been so precious to me and they indeed hold my feet when the world beneath seems to crumble. 

Sarah and Spatial Intelligence

Sarah has always displayed an aptitude in certain areas and I have taken a mental note of these observations but never really know what to make out of it. For one, she was very advanced in her motor skills. She was sliding on her own just shortly after she turned 1.5 years and conquering the playground soon after. She could jump with 2 feet off her ground early too. And she was doing flips and turns on her own even before she went for ballet classes. To date, I must say, she is quite an accomplished hula hooper. 

Another thing that amazes me is when I drive the kids around - Sometimes, to the park, sometimes to Ahma and Ahgong's house or sometimes just around Singapore. She would be able to recognize the roads and directions to certain places and even remember the event that made us travel that route. During one time, I was in Bedok, she could point the direction in which Ikea was and said that if I turned right, I would head to Ikea. The other incident, that really astounded me was when I drove them to Punggol for the first time with them. She looked at the place and the landscape and said that if I headed in that direction, I would land up in Ikea. I was about to say "No" when I looked around and saw that she was spot on. Haha...it seems like her compass is calibrated with Ikea as "North" but she was absolutely right.

On a more 'universal' level, Sarah is very comfortable in locating Malaysia and Singapore on her Globe. She seems to know where it is - I am not sure what she uses to do it. Ever since I pointed out where Singapore is in relation to the UK and how the airplane travels between these 2 locations, she is able to trace the route almost everytime.

Another trait is her ability to discern between 2 D and 3 D and notice a difference in perspectives. Before she turned 3, I was reading "Topsy and Tim: Busy Builder". There was a particular page that asks children to count the hard hats, the wheelbarrows etc on the page. When we have exhausted counting everything that is countable on the page, I decided to ask her to count the ladders. There was only one ladder in sight and another one was hidden behind the house, except for a builder who was perched on it and laying tiles on the roof. Sarah was able to point to the builder and tell me that there is another ladder there. That, to me was an enlightened perspective for a 2 year old. 

There are many times recently, when she noticed the use of perspectives in pictures. For example, she would ask me why the plane looks small at some instance and larger at some instances. It was the use of distance in pictures that alerted her to discrepancies in her understanding of 2D diagrams. Initially, I felt it was too premature to explain to her the use of perspectives. But after I took time to explain to her, she could understanding that it was distance from the observer that rendered an object smaller or bigger.

At the prompting of Dan [who often gives me the kick that I need], I started to search out about spatial intelligence and these inclinations of Sarah's and more so to see how I can help her to harness it to her understanding and benefit. I often eschew books and titles of the likes "How to raise gifted children" and think that pushing a child in this direction would be to his/her detriment. But for Sarah who displays these observable traits, I cannot ignore it. I thought it only responsible for me to educate myself and introduce meaningful play and activities that would harness her gifts. Some googling landed me on this introductory journal article which I found useful in understanding Spatial Intelligence for a start. It also suggest briefly some activities that would help develop this intelligence in young children. Identifying and Supporting Spatial Intelligence in Young Children. This is a good stimulus for me to continue a little exploration in this area. 

Tangential thought: This naturally brought me to explore lego as well...and I am surprised at the extent of Lego. I am excited, because our big move would find ourselves near the 1st Legoland in asia. haha...that is a big clue to where we are moving:) I think if it is in operation, I will get hold of a annual pass and head there every week with the kids:)

Back to more reading. 

Life thus far...

2010 to date has been nothing short of a year of discovery and relearning... knots of misconceptions and untruth that have been tangled and tightened over the past 3 decades are being unknotted in the midst of the weaving of a new tapestry truth and facts and knowledge. This new tapestry is what Dan and I are convinced will equip us to be responsible and honest disciples of Christ - Christians who are fully aware of the world and culture which they are placed in - to engage believers and unbelievers alike; Christians who are not excluded from reality and the world by setting up a false sense of assurance and superiority through man made rules of piety and existing comfortably in their circle of church friends. I must say, to do this, the mind is kept in a constant state of organization, storing and computing and reflecting as well as purging [a mental activity which I have become ill equipped to do over the years of blind education both spiritual and academic]. The state of mental renovation does not seem like it is going to finish anytime soon . I can say it is a year of undoing and doing...but it is all for the better, I am assured.

Well, receiving a call from Thomson Women's Cancer Centre to remind me of my next appointment made me realize how time really flies and how we are approaching the end of 2010. The year perhaps will only get busier...but again, I believe it is for the better. Dan and I and our two kids and our helper are preparing and anticipating our 'big move'. 'Big' because it is kinda like a relocation of sorts, not really [for those who are let in on our plans]. It is not just the physical move that we are excited about but the move to liberalize our time, ironically by being more discipline in our choice of activities. The liberalization of our time to:

• Educate our children in rigorous exploration and learning of the real natural world
• Retreat into solitude for the reformation of our lives, our mind and our energies through personal bible and theological studies, and academic sharpening
• To hone and harness the raw gifts and talent that God has given to us 

And just like the masterplan we had drawn up for the kids, it holds true for us - Romans 12:1-2. To prepare ourselves and present ourselves acceptable and approved unto to God - so that He can use us wherever and whenever He deems fit.

Our big move is not done without trepidation for there are many stakes involved, especially when we know not what lies ahead of us - mainly my health. But we have committed ourselves to each other and to our decision in this area. At least for the next ten years, we are resolved to disciplining ourselves towards rebuilding our foundations - family, life, church.

So here in a nutshell, is where we are as a family...we covet your prayers...