Special Moments: Little Sarah & Great Grandpa

Little Sarah Goes Swimming

Little Sarah Goes Fishing

Little Sarah Goes to the Library

Samuel Turns 3 Months!

Samuel Slideshow

Our Beloved Firstborn

Sarah has and will always have a special place in Daniel and my heart. Firstborns are really special. Though she is getting louder by the days and of course, smarter, as well as learning how to throw a tantrum - Sarah is a kind hearted girl who loves to be bullied by her "Shu Shus". By the way, she can say "ball" now [much to Daddy and Mommy's sheer delight]. Haha...and everything is a "ball" to her. Well, to all who are missing her because of mommy's procrastination, the following entries are devoted to Sarah's adventures:) We thank God for His blessings through our lovely Sarah.

Chapter 14: Chemo or No Chemo

The Lord brought us through 2 very successful operations with minimal disturbances to the foetus and with my optimistic prognosis of Stage 1A with clear cell cancer of the ovary, it did seem like this fiery trial was well over. But from a medical and default point of view, it was far from over. The full treatment includes chemotherapy as well. That was the scary one. Everything I know [which really was not much at all] about chemotherapy came from the portrayals in reel life. In real life, chemotherapy is seldom talked about. Many times, it is hushed up as patients we know go for their treatment in secret. So what I have in mind, is a form of aggressive treatment where patients come out weak, skinny and bald and of course, they were nauseous most of the time.

What increased our burden in this was that I was pregnant. While medical journals have records of how babies respond to chemotherapy, it is far and few. And many times, these studies are non conclusive due to the rarity of the situation. Some doctors would with no qualms suggest a termination of the pregnancy, followed by a total hysterectomy and chemotherapy thereafter. We were much thankful that in our case, Prof EH Tay had never once raised the option of terminating our pregnancy - that would have increased our dilemma although we knew what the Lord would definitely have us to do. Our pain was much reduced in this aspect. We were given the option to decide when to begin my chemo - a) To begin immediately in the midst pregnancy or b) To begin after delivery. Both options were fraught with much risks - risks for the baby for the former and risk for the mother for the latter. In all honesty, most patients are not given the option but all are strongly advise with option (a) due to the aggressive and unknown nature of this cancer. But as Daniel was a practicing oncologist, he was presented with the options due to professional respect.

Well, the next 2 weeks as we sought the Lord whether it was His will for us to go ahead with chemotheraphy would prove to be a difficult and painful 2 weeks - more for my husband than for me as he knew that as much as he would want to take on my burden, I would have to bear full weight of the consequences of whichever option it would be. But what was truly important to us as we sought the Lord was not the medical logic of the options presented to us. That really didn't matter anymore. We were greatly concern that we would walk the path that the Lord had meant for us to walk. We were walking on tenderhooks - and the only safe route was the one that the Lord revealed for us.

It was truly difficult. Many people who were praying for us and loved us didn't want me to go for chemotherapy. Naturally so...Dan and I were also praying that the Lord would reveal in that same direction. But only the Lord's revealed path could give us the confidence to walk the journey ahead. It was interesting how the Lord spoke to us during these 2 weeks as would be revealed in the next chapter.

"Uphold my steps in Your paths, That my footsteps may not slip. I have called upon You, for You will hear me, O God; Incline Your ear to me, and hear my speech. Show Your marvelous lovingkindness by Your right hand, O You who save those who trust in You From those who rise up against them. " Psalm 17:5-7

Chapter 13: Hearing & Obeying the Voice of God

This chapter is a necessary prelude to the next chapters - or more aptly in our lives to come. Hearing the voice of the Lord has truly been a precious and personal experience to me and my husband during this journey of faith and trust in our Great God. I am not referring here to visions or a voice that booms out from clouds - but it is the clear speaking of the Lord to our hearts as we search His Word and plead desperately to Him to reveal His will in our situation. The more we read His revealed word and depend and cast all our dependence onto Him, the clearer we hear His voice. The Holy Spirit quickens His Word and they take on a real and practical meaning in our lives. It was truly untaught lessons of practical FAITH.

It has indeed been a great comfort that I cannot describe. Is it because of our holiness that God speaks? Perhaps to the prophets and men of old - but in my situation, I think God chose to speak to me clearly because it was His way of showing me His abundant grace and mercy in time of need. To hear His voice at each hurdle of this journey was so vital to us because each decision had a huge stake attached to it - life itself. We couldn't make u-turns here.

After hearing the voice of God, the next step was to take those steps of faith, OBEY & FOLLOW along the path that God has paved for us. What a journey it has been...we could have only done it with the Lord on our side. And we only ask Him to give us the strength and courage to continue along His ordained path.

Chapter 12: Hitting the Odds

There would follow a second operation after the first -dated 17th Feb. That second operation was to remove my right ovary and lymph nodes. The prognosis after the second operation was even more grim for I was found to have clear cell cancer of the ovary.

I was definitely hitting all the odds. The occurence of a young female having clear cell cancer was indeed a rarity. Above it all, I was a pregnant young female. According to Dr Chua, there are only 4 such reported cases in the world. Perhaps more unreported, but nonetheless, rare. Through this 'bizzare' revelation of events since 21st Jan, Daniel and I knew that all this clearly did not happen by chance but that God had allowed all this to happen. In His sovereign plan and will, He has it all charted out.

Did I ask that one million dollar question: Why me, God? You bet I did. There were many unanswered questions. I definitely needed time to understand how a normal person like me, with no family history of cancer could contract an aggressive form of cancer and life seems to change almost immediately.

But I thank God for His grace in time of need - that His grace was sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. His working and faithfulness in my life since I was young never at once made me grow angry or disappointed with His choice of path for my life. I did not dare get angry at my God. But it definitely baffled me and brought me down to my knees as I plead with God to give me understanding of His 'strange' path of moving and working. With nothing else to hold on to [not even life and health itself], I could only trust God to carry me through this journey.

God is gracious for He never left me nor forsook me. In His love, He gave me a husband who loved Him with all his heart as well as a husband who is trained in this field of oncology. He gave me a family who could interceed on my behalf. He gave me a people of God who also interceeded on my behalf. He provided us with a domestic helper who loved Him, is a good help and could pray for her Mam. The list goes on and on.

Now I can only trust Him to help me beat the odds.