Chapter 11 - The Operation

4th Feb - At 8:30 am, Daniel and myself, my mother-in-law and father-in-law made our way KK for the operation. My mom and dad were to arrive later after putting Sarah in Daniel's auntie's charge. After the paperwork and pre-op preparations, we spent a large portion of our waiting time praying and reading psalms. Many were there to pray that day, Pastor, my sister, Sis Eileen, Auntie Maggie, Auntie Joy and Uncle Kwai Sang and my family.

As I proceeded to the ultrasound room, to the operating theatre, I literally felt so covered and protected in my Father's arms through the prayers of His people - there was no fear. Of course, there was sadness all round for everyone around me. Before being wheeled into the theatre, I spent some wonderful time with Daniel, remembering how the Lord has given us so much time together - from the time we started dating in 1992 to our present year in 2008. 16 years of a wonderful and godly companion. We ask God to give us more by His mercy. Daniel wrote me a love letter that day [haha... something that he has not done for a pretty long time] - filled with his love and God's words to accompany me in that operating theatre. I held it tightly in my hand and stuffed it under my pillow for fear that they would throw it away.

The next few hours during the operation was painless for me as I went under GA. But for my family and all those praying for me outside the theatre, it was a difficult time. The preliminary results of the operation - yolk sac tumor, a form of germ cell cancer. Below is the post operation email sent out by my hubby in verbatim.

Dearest Praying Friends,

You have all become very precious to us through this trial, and I hope the Lord will draw all of us closer to Him and to each other in the following weeks, months and years to come. Fellowship in the word and prayer as we have done and you all have done for us is heaven on earth that we have experienced. I earnestly yearn for this to carry on forever. Through these, God fills us with His love and His presence and we feed on His goodness.

Brethren, God has heard us and answered our prayers according to His will. As more unfolds, we hope to see the picture even more clearly and give Him great praise and glory. I long to see His answers to these prayers. For now, the prayings and seeking of God continues for us, and I ask you will continue to join us in doing so. From experience, I know that this takes effort from your busy schedules and can be exhausting, so please accept our deepest gratitude for your love to us. We love to share our lives with you and hope that you will be pleased to share in our joys and our sadness, our blessings and sometimes our adversity.

Here is a brief update of the situation:

The surgery went well and smooth as planned, with the Right ovarian cyst, tumor and fallopian tube removed clean and sucessfully by a kind and caring Prof. From what he could see, the tumor was well contained and there was no apparent disease elsewhere in the pelvis or abdominal cavity. The frozen section showed a cancerous cell type called- yolk sac tumor, a form of germ cell cancer. Because such a cell type is very responsive to chemotherapy and has good cure rates, that was all the surgery neccessary and it did not proceed to more removal of organs- for that I am extremely thankful to God. Joann remains well and is resting in the High Dependency ward for the next 2 days. We appreciate if visitors come perhaps on Thurs onwards (only if free!) Here is the medical situation for your understanding in prayers and supplications:

1) The next 48 hrs is critical for stabilisation of the womb and baby. ie risk of miscarriage is highest these 2 days.

2) The final histology will give us a sure picture of the stage and cell type of the cancer, so as to decide on what other treatment is needed. itll probably take 2-3 days

3) A decision has to be made regarding the type of chemotherapy to administer for optimal cure of disease, and care of baby

4) Chemotherapy if indicated (likely will be) should commence next week.

Spiritually, we know that God is the giver of life and works all things together for good. As we have handed over all these to Him, we ask that He will honour His name and preserve the lives of both His children. The permutations of possibilities can be baffling, but we pray the Great Physician will sort it out. Also, we pray the final histology will be favorable just as the frozen section was.

Further to these, I will just like to share with you that this cancer is very rare, and for it to occur with pregnancy is even rarer. Plus for it to occur in my wife who has had perfect health and no family history, and to the wife of a training oncologist makes it more than just a coincidence. And for this to happen to God's children who have given their lives to Him makes it clearly NOT a mistake. I do not know what God has planned, but this must be part of His plan for our lives, so we continue to present our heart's petitions to Him. Im sure some will have questions on how this thing arose etc and so on but honestly I think that it is beyond logical answer. Lets look to the Lord.

Brethren, pls uphold us before God in the days to come as these things unfold, that once again our trust would be upon Him first, rather than on facts and figures. Thank you all so much for bearing our burdens, and God willing, I really hope to be able to share our joys with you, as well as to bear your burdens if there are any in time to come just as you have for us.

Love in Christ, Daniel, Joann and Sarah (who is doing just fine)

Chapter Ten - The Prayer Meeting

3rd Feb - The night before the operation, we had a prayer meeting at our house. Church folks came to pray with and for us - Auntie Joy, Uncle Kwai Sang, Auntie Lai Moi, Auntie Annie, Uncle Simon and Auntie Esther, Irene and Kok Wing and Daniel's family and mine. It was with heavy hearts as we prayed, pleaded and cried out to the Lord - but the Lord brought much confidence and assurance to us all that night. The prayer meeting lasted till midnight and we all parted as I prepared to rest for the surgery the next day.

Chapter Nine - The Heavenly Reunion

As the events of 2008 unfolded, we all thought there would not be any reunion dinners because my operation was slated on the 4th Feb [the week of CNY celebrations]. But the Lord provided a heavenly reunion that was to last beyond all the festivities.

In my earlier entry, one of my long standing prayer was for my mommy to accept the Lord as her personal Saviour. My mommy has never rejected the Lord's teaching nor the church's ways for our lives. In fact, she was the one who planned that we attended a Christian kindergarten as well as brought us to Sunday school because she wanted us to learn the right and good ways of being a person. For that, I am very thankful. All these made a difference in my sister's and my life. However, these things that she did for us made no difference in her life as long as she did not give up her life, her thoughts, her ideas to God.

That Sunday, my sister and Henry, my brother-in-law decided to speak to my mother again. So as planned, after dinner and a time of prayer together, Daniel and I brought Sarah home so that my mother would not be distracted by her. That night, they shared the gospel with her. It wasn't easy for my mother to accept the Lord during this time of crisis - she felt in a way that she was cheating and taking advantage of God by coming to Him in a time of desperate need. This is really not new... I have heard of this reason used by many people. Many feel a need to get their life in order before coming to the Lord. But you know what, when people get their lives in order, they realize that they don't need God. But, it is precisely because our most desperate, helpless and needy plight that Christ came down to die on the cross for. He wants to save us 'Just As We Are'.

For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost."

Luke 19:10

I thank God that my mother saw that night that it was no longer about her - her perceptions, her ideas and what she thought about herself. But rather that salvation is all about the Lord and what He has done for us - to save us from the penalty of sin through His precious blood which He shed on the cross. The weather was interesting at the time my mother prayed the sinner's prayer with Henry - but I shall not elaborate to dramatize it more than needed.

When my sister called me and told me that my mother accepted the Lord - my emotions were really mixed. But they all manifested through tears of joy, mingled more with shame [in all honesty]. Joy for reasons plain and clear. Shame because while my mother's salvation was a matter of prayer - it was not desperate nor consistent in my life. That the Lord worked His wonderful gift of salvation that night inspite of me, made me realized that it was not about me nor anyone but simply that the Lord desires all to be saved. Imagine what years we could have saved and how many loved ones would have come to know Him if we fell at our knees everyday and plead with Him to save.

Ironically, I think the Lord taught me much that night then all the nights put together since I have learnt about my condition.

Our Family Verse

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord;

I say, "You are my God."

My times are in Your hand...

Make Your face shine upon Your servant;

Save me for Your mercies' sake.

Do not let me be ashamed, O Lord, for I have called upon You

Psalm 31:14-17

These verses have been etched on Dan and my heart during this trying and uncertain period.

The Book Continues

A special thank you to all for your patience in reading this unfinished and slow-to-be-updated book. As the Lord has impressed upon my heart to continue writing, pray with and for me as I continue to pen down this journey of faith, prayer and lessons that God is teaching me.

Redeemed how I love to proclaim it!
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;

Redeemed through His infinite mercy,

His child, and forever, I am.

Redeemed and so happy in Jesus,
No language my rapture can tell;
I know that the light of His presence
With me doth continually dwell.

I think of my blessed Redeemer,
I think of Him all the day long;
I sing [write], for I cannot be silent;
His love is the theme of my song.

I know I shall see in His beauty
The King in whose way I delight;
Who lovingly guardeth my footsteps,
And giveth me songs in the night.

Chapter Eight - Psalm 34

I will bless the Lord at all times;

His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;

The humble shall hear of it and be glad.

Oh, magnify the Lord with me,

And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the Lord, and He heard me,

And delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant,

And their faces were not ashamed.

This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,

And saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, And delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;

Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!

There is no want to those who fear Him.

The young lions lack and suffer hunger;

But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.
Come, you children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Who is the man who desires life,

And loves many days, that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit.

Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,

And His ears are open to their cry.

The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,

And delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,

And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,

But the Lord delivers him out of them all.

He guards all his bones; Not one of them is broken.

Evil shall slay the wicked, A

nd those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.

The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,

And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.

A homemade podcast created by lil cousin Weining and her parents Uncle Seow and Auntie Patricia to uplift our hearts. Psalm 34 - a beautiful psalm. It has truly been a comfort to me. Meditate on it:) Our God is great and good.

Chapter Seven - The Gathering of God's People

And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.

Acts 2:42-47

I am not sure if I experienced a glimpse of the church of Acts, but what happened in the next few days greatly warmed my heart. From the second night when the emails and smses went out, different groups of people have entered our house to encourage and pray with us. It was also wonderful that our family started to pray together nightly at length and fellowshipped in the Word.

First to come was Sarah's Godparents - Melvin, Viola and Daniel's other colleagues Jonathan and Karen. Following that, my Uncle Amos, Auntie Maggie and my cousins; Auntie Joy and Uncle Kwai Sung; a walk along our favourite stretch of East Coast with Dr Chua on 2 occasions; My cousin Gayle and Peter; not to forget brave Zhiqiang who came alone to minister to us, Auntie Fong Meng who prepared lunch on 2 occasions and Auntie Lai Moi who bought fresh fish to boost my health. A pity I missed a meeting with Diana before she flew off for her bible studies due to my schedule. Each of these gatherings ended off with prayer for us. Beyond the prayers that went out on our behalf, it was the manner in which we meet that touched me. Surely, this is the pattern that God meant for us as Christians just as the Christians in the early church.

Here, I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to many of you who have prayed for us and are praying for us. The emails and smses that you have all sent in response to our emails are much treasured and stored. May the Lord continue to teach us how to pray as we seek His face in purity of heart.

Chapter Six - The Weights upon My heart

Finally after 2 long days of moving from doctor to doctor and being scanned several times, I had time to lie and rest. Many have said to me, "Don't worry. Don't be afraid." In all honesty, I know not how to respond to that. I asked God to search my heart many times, to try me and know my thoughts. And it was really puzzling. So puzzling that I had to ask Daniel. Why do I not feel a tinge of fear or anxiety? Is it because I did not care? Is it because I did not understand my situation? Is it because I took confidence in myself? Or is this truly the perfect peace that surpasseth all understanding that Christ has promised? Was it the prayers of His people that have placed a hedge around me that I experience no fear? I admit, I was confounded. I only desired God's to reveal to me about this matter.

My 1st weight: To understand from whence this peace comes from

Mostly at about 5 am nowadays, Sarah would stand herself up in her cot and start crying. She stops when we pick her up and place her on our bed right in the middle of Daniel and I. It is not a recommended practice but well...we gave in. After that ritual that night, I looked at Daniel and Sarah fast asleep. They look alike when they are sleeping, so peaceful and protected. But looking at two of the most precious people in my life, my heart was sad. My husband had gone through much anxiety over the events of my life in the past 2 years and now this. Sarah is a beautiful and sensitive girl [of course not forgetting that she does a mean holler] and I wish to be there for her as she grows up.

My 2nd weight: To be able to love and spend time with Daniel and baby Sarah

But what came as the heaviest weight are the names of those who have not know the Lord. Top on my list was my dearest mommy. It has been a long time ....Although she has allowed my sister and I to attend church since we were 5, she has not trusted in the Lord. Following the list, came Sarah's godma Viola, my colleagues Yanting, Hayimini, Mdm Chang, Azlan and some names that I believe the Lord placed on my heart. I pray that the Lord would use me through this to testify of His goodness - but He has to teach me how.]

My 3rd weight: That the people mentioned would come to trust the Lord Jesus as their personal Lord and Saviour.

My final weight is that the Lord would do a mighty work in our church, amongst our people. That as a church, we would live above the pettiness of men, above the cares and trappings of the world, and that together, in humbility, we would battle the gates of Hell and fulfill God's commission for us- just as the church of Acts did.

"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. " 2 Chronicles 7:14

My 4th weight: That the Lord would revive us

My heart cried to the Lord as I fell asleep that night

Chapter Five - The Email

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ"

Galatians 6:2

Since I was young, I have been a very private person. That was how I was brought up to be. Problems of the heart and home are not to be shared with the world but to be solved within one's means. Why trouble and burden people who are already laden with their own burdens and problems? Solve it yourself! Perhaps, deep down in the recesses of our sinful hearts is the desire to look 'good' in other's eyes and to be able to have it all under control - Pride. I don't know if it this is true for you, but it was for me. [Of course, we are not referring to the sharing of sins but burdens.]

The need to keep up with a persona was all unnecessary. As I grew older and understood the purpose of the church through God's word, these apparently noble philosophies are not biblical and they were probably a construct of our civilized, compartmentalized and convenient world that is really selfish in its root and nature. Surely, the church of Acts shared their burdens and prayed for one another. As God slowly reveals His plan in my life through many eventful turns, I have also learnt that these are humbling lessons to show how insufficient and weak I am - and it is only God that can give the peace and victory in every circumstances.

So when Daniel decided to pen a long email to the church and request for prayer in light of the grim reality, I was without protest. The email is quoted verbatim as follows:

"Dearest Friends, Brothers and Sisters,

I write this mail humbly asking for your prayer and fastings to ask God for mercy and deliverance upon my wife Joann and our unborn child.

2 days ago during the 12th week scan a decision was made to do a detailed scan of the right ovarian cyst which had been present since the earlier bedside scan. This revealed a huge 12-13cm cyst which contained solid and irregular areas which are suspicious features. Urgent arrangements have been made to proceed with an Op to remove it (Rt ovary and tumor) on the 4th Feb,during which a frozen section will be done to determine its nature with a possibility of proceeding with further operation if it is cancerous. It is a major operation.

Based on ultrasound appearance, it appears more like a tumor. Our baby is doing fine but the doctor suggests that we allow 2 more weeks for the baby to stabilise. Meanwhile Joann is resting. We are grieved and tired but God's is good to us.

Dear Friends, my wife is very very dear to me and I humbly ask that you will plead with God together with us to intervene and deliver us from this situation. I pray that He helps us for no other reason except for his mercy and favor upon us as helpless needy people of His own.

Please pray for:
1) total cure and deliverance, that the tumor is benign (not cancerous)
2) joann's and unborn child's health to be built up during this 2 weeks
3) During this 2 weeks that the cyst will not grow or rupture, that if God wills, He may even shrink it
4) Ease and God's guidance upon all doctors during the surgery as the cyst is huge and she has fibrous adhesions on the same side which may cause some difficulty
5) God's mercy upon all of us during this period to strengthen and guide our paths during this difficult time
6) God to preside over all and bring great Glory to His Name
7) that We will obey and follow where He leads.
8) that God will be with baby Sarah during this time when we are busy

We are sinners saved by grace who are undeserving of anything apart from God's mercy. We have before given our lives and family to God and do so again publicly before you and God's presence. I ask that the Lord deliver us and grant us life to serve Him fully with our children.

Please commit us to the LORD.

Yours humbly with much gratitude,

daniel"

Chapter Four - The Grim Reality

22 Jan, Tues

I thought I knew the extent of my condition. But I was wrong.

Braving the morning traffic to drop Sarah off at my daddy's and mommy's place, we made our way down to KKH at 7:45 am for our appointment with Prof Tay. I would usually be in school at this time so the early appointment worked fine for me. Upon arrival, I was surprised to see patients already in queue. I guess that is how it works in public hospitals. Nevertheless, I was really grateful to see Prof Tay within so short a notice.

As I entered Prof Tay's clinic, with Daniel, my in laws and Dr Chua in tow, it made his already narrow clinic appear claustrophobic. But perhaps the warmth was needed for the news that was about to greet me. "Surgery is not an option for you" he explained kindly. As he went on, I realized for the first time that this first surgery would involved the removal of my right ovary and right fallopian tube. I was never a biology student but I knew that those were pretty vital organs for childbearing. He went on to explain the permutations of my condition - from a simple cyst to a benign tumor to a malignant tumor in a gentle but tutorial like manner as well as the corresponding treatment necessary in each case.

The next step of my visit was to do another ultrasound with Dr Ong to access my case - incidentally she is dubbed 'X-Ray' hands as apparently what she accesses from the ultrasound is taken conclusively for other doctors to follow up on. The scan took a while but it was clear and much readings could be taken.

At about 10:30 am, I walked into Prof Tay's office again after his assessment and confering with Dr Ong over the latest scan. "According to Dr Ong, it doesn't look like a cyst," he explained slowly ," she thinks it resembles more a tumor." I continued to look straight into Prof Tay's eyes and didn't dare to look at the faces of those who were with me. I feared to see the reaction of my loved ones. Prof Tay continued with statistics and cited exceptional cases in a bid to comfort me and cushion the hard news.

By the time I left the hospital at about 2pm, I have taken my blood test and I was registered for an operation on the 4th of Feb at 2pm. It appears that I am glossing over all the events of the day but in reality, it all happened just as fast for me. It was just yesterday that I thought I was well and healthy. But today, it seems like a different story altogether. It truly brought to mind the fraility of life.

As the day ended, Daniel and I made our way down to Bishan again. We had to tell my parents about it. In Mandarin, Daniel sought to explain my medical condition to them. I wasn't sure if they understood it better than yesterday. And as the pattern which we parted, we prayed together and asked God to work in our lives. It was another long day.