Our Family Verse

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord;

I say, "You are my God."

My times are in Your hand...

Make Your face shine upon Your servant;

Save me for Your mercies' sake.

Do not let me be ashamed, O Lord, for I have called upon You

Psalm 31:14-17

These verses have been etched on Dan and my heart during this trying and uncertain period.

The Book Continues

A special thank you to all for your patience in reading this unfinished and slow-to-be-updated book. As the Lord has impressed upon my heart to continue writing, pray with and for me as I continue to pen down this journey of faith, prayer and lessons that God is teaching me.

Redeemed how I love to proclaim it!
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;

Redeemed through His infinite mercy,

His child, and forever, I am.

Redeemed and so happy in Jesus,
No language my rapture can tell;
I know that the light of His presence
With me doth continually dwell.

I think of my blessed Redeemer,
I think of Him all the day long;
I sing [write], for I cannot be silent;
His love is the theme of my song.

I know I shall see in His beauty
The King in whose way I delight;
Who lovingly guardeth my footsteps,
And giveth me songs in the night.

Chapter Eight - Psalm 34

I will bless the Lord at all times;

His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;

The humble shall hear of it and be glad.

Oh, magnify the Lord with me,

And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the Lord, and He heard me,

And delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant,

And their faces were not ashamed.

This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him,

And saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, And delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;

Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints!

There is no want to those who fear Him.

The young lions lack and suffer hunger;

But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.
Come, you children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Who is the man who desires life,

And loves many days, that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit.

Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,

And His ears are open to their cry.

The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,

And delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,

And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,

But the Lord delivers him out of them all.

He guards all his bones; Not one of them is broken.

Evil shall slay the wicked, A

nd those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.

The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,

And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.

A homemade podcast created by lil cousin Weining and her parents Uncle Seow and Auntie Patricia to uplift our hearts. Psalm 34 - a beautiful psalm. It has truly been a comfort to me. Meditate on it:) Our God is great and good.

Chapter Seven - The Gathering of God's People

And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.

Acts 2:42-47

I am not sure if I experienced a glimpse of the church of Acts, but what happened in the next few days greatly warmed my heart. From the second night when the emails and smses went out, different groups of people have entered our house to encourage and pray with us. It was also wonderful that our family started to pray together nightly at length and fellowshipped in the Word.

First to come was Sarah's Godparents - Melvin, Viola and Daniel's other colleagues Jonathan and Karen. Following that, my Uncle Amos, Auntie Maggie and my cousins; Auntie Joy and Uncle Kwai Sung; a walk along our favourite stretch of East Coast with Dr Chua on 2 occasions; My cousin Gayle and Peter; not to forget brave Zhiqiang who came alone to minister to us, Auntie Fong Meng who prepared lunch on 2 occasions and Auntie Lai Moi who bought fresh fish to boost my health. A pity I missed a meeting with Diana before she flew off for her bible studies due to my schedule. Each of these gatherings ended off with prayer for us. Beyond the prayers that went out on our behalf, it was the manner in which we meet that touched me. Surely, this is the pattern that God meant for us as Christians just as the Christians in the early church.

Here, I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to many of you who have prayed for us and are praying for us. The emails and smses that you have all sent in response to our emails are much treasured and stored. May the Lord continue to teach us how to pray as we seek His face in purity of heart.

Chapter Six - The Weights upon My heart

Finally after 2 long days of moving from doctor to doctor and being scanned several times, I had time to lie and rest. Many have said to me, "Don't worry. Don't be afraid." In all honesty, I know not how to respond to that. I asked God to search my heart many times, to try me and know my thoughts. And it was really puzzling. So puzzling that I had to ask Daniel. Why do I not feel a tinge of fear or anxiety? Is it because I did not care? Is it because I did not understand my situation? Is it because I took confidence in myself? Or is this truly the perfect peace that surpasseth all understanding that Christ has promised? Was it the prayers of His people that have placed a hedge around me that I experience no fear? I admit, I was confounded. I only desired God's to reveal to me about this matter.

My 1st weight: To understand from whence this peace comes from

Mostly at about 5 am nowadays, Sarah would stand herself up in her cot and start crying. She stops when we pick her up and place her on our bed right in the middle of Daniel and I. It is not a recommended practice but well...we gave in. After that ritual that night, I looked at Daniel and Sarah fast asleep. They look alike when they are sleeping, so peaceful and protected. But looking at two of the most precious people in my life, my heart was sad. My husband had gone through much anxiety over the events of my life in the past 2 years and now this. Sarah is a beautiful and sensitive girl [of course not forgetting that she does a mean holler] and I wish to be there for her as she grows up.

My 2nd weight: To be able to love and spend time with Daniel and baby Sarah

But what came as the heaviest weight are the names of those who have not know the Lord. Top on my list was my dearest mommy. It has been a long time ....Although she has allowed my sister and I to attend church since we were 5, she has not trusted in the Lord. Following the list, came Sarah's godma Viola, my colleagues Yanting, Hayimini, Mdm Chang, Azlan and some names that I believe the Lord placed on my heart. I pray that the Lord would use me through this to testify of His goodness - but He has to teach me how.]

My 3rd weight: That the people mentioned would come to trust the Lord Jesus as their personal Lord and Saviour.

My final weight is that the Lord would do a mighty work in our church, amongst our people. That as a church, we would live above the pettiness of men, above the cares and trappings of the world, and that together, in humbility, we would battle the gates of Hell and fulfill God's commission for us- just as the church of Acts did.

"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. " 2 Chronicles 7:14

My 4th weight: That the Lord would revive us

My heart cried to the Lord as I fell asleep that night

Chapter Five - The Email

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ"

Galatians 6:2

Since I was young, I have been a very private person. That was how I was brought up to be. Problems of the heart and home are not to be shared with the world but to be solved within one's means. Why trouble and burden people who are already laden with their own burdens and problems? Solve it yourself! Perhaps, deep down in the recesses of our sinful hearts is the desire to look 'good' in other's eyes and to be able to have it all under control - Pride. I don't know if it this is true for you, but it was for me. [Of course, we are not referring to the sharing of sins but burdens.]

The need to keep up with a persona was all unnecessary. As I grew older and understood the purpose of the church through God's word, these apparently noble philosophies are not biblical and they were probably a construct of our civilized, compartmentalized and convenient world that is really selfish in its root and nature. Surely, the church of Acts shared their burdens and prayed for one another. As God slowly reveals His plan in my life through many eventful turns, I have also learnt that these are humbling lessons to show how insufficient and weak I am - and it is only God that can give the peace and victory in every circumstances.

So when Daniel decided to pen a long email to the church and request for prayer in light of the grim reality, I was without protest. The email is quoted verbatim as follows:

"Dearest Friends, Brothers and Sisters,

I write this mail humbly asking for your prayer and fastings to ask God for mercy and deliverance upon my wife Joann and our unborn child.

2 days ago during the 12th week scan a decision was made to do a detailed scan of the right ovarian cyst which had been present since the earlier bedside scan. This revealed a huge 12-13cm cyst which contained solid and irregular areas which are suspicious features. Urgent arrangements have been made to proceed with an Op to remove it (Rt ovary and tumor) on the 4th Feb,during which a frozen section will be done to determine its nature with a possibility of proceeding with further operation if it is cancerous. It is a major operation.

Based on ultrasound appearance, it appears more like a tumor. Our baby is doing fine but the doctor suggests that we allow 2 more weeks for the baby to stabilise. Meanwhile Joann is resting. We are grieved and tired but God's is good to us.

Dear Friends, my wife is very very dear to me and I humbly ask that you will plead with God together with us to intervene and deliver us from this situation. I pray that He helps us for no other reason except for his mercy and favor upon us as helpless needy people of His own.

Please pray for:
1) total cure and deliverance, that the tumor is benign (not cancerous)
2) joann's and unborn child's health to be built up during this 2 weeks
3) During this 2 weeks that the cyst will not grow or rupture, that if God wills, He may even shrink it
4) Ease and God's guidance upon all doctors during the surgery as the cyst is huge and she has fibrous adhesions on the same side which may cause some difficulty
5) God's mercy upon all of us during this period to strengthen and guide our paths during this difficult time
6) God to preside over all and bring great Glory to His Name
7) that We will obey and follow where He leads.
8) that God will be with baby Sarah during this time when we are busy

We are sinners saved by grace who are undeserving of anything apart from God's mercy. We have before given our lives and family to God and do so again publicly before you and God's presence. I ask that the Lord deliver us and grant us life to serve Him fully with our children.

Please commit us to the LORD.

Yours humbly with much gratitude,

daniel"

Chapter Four - The Grim Reality

22 Jan, Tues

I thought I knew the extent of my condition. But I was wrong.

Braving the morning traffic to drop Sarah off at my daddy's and mommy's place, we made our way down to KKH at 7:45 am for our appointment with Prof Tay. I would usually be in school at this time so the early appointment worked fine for me. Upon arrival, I was surprised to see patients already in queue. I guess that is how it works in public hospitals. Nevertheless, I was really grateful to see Prof Tay within so short a notice.

As I entered Prof Tay's clinic, with Daniel, my in laws and Dr Chua in tow, it made his already narrow clinic appear claustrophobic. But perhaps the warmth was needed for the news that was about to greet me. "Surgery is not an option for you" he explained kindly. As he went on, I realized for the first time that this first surgery would involved the removal of my right ovary and right fallopian tube. I was never a biology student but I knew that those were pretty vital organs for childbearing. He went on to explain the permutations of my condition - from a simple cyst to a benign tumor to a malignant tumor in a gentle but tutorial like manner as well as the corresponding treatment necessary in each case.

The next step of my visit was to do another ultrasound with Dr Ong to access my case - incidentally she is dubbed 'X-Ray' hands as apparently what she accesses from the ultrasound is taken conclusively for other doctors to follow up on. The scan took a while but it was clear and much readings could be taken.

At about 10:30 am, I walked into Prof Tay's office again after his assessment and confering with Dr Ong over the latest scan. "According to Dr Ong, it doesn't look like a cyst," he explained slowly ," she thinks it resembles more a tumor." I continued to look straight into Prof Tay's eyes and didn't dare to look at the faces of those who were with me. I feared to see the reaction of my loved ones. Prof Tay continued with statistics and cited exceptional cases in a bid to comfort me and cushion the hard news.

By the time I left the hospital at about 2pm, I have taken my blood test and I was registered for an operation on the 4th of Feb at 2pm. It appears that I am glossing over all the events of the day but in reality, it all happened just as fast for me. It was just yesterday that I thought I was well and healthy. But today, it seems like a different story altogether. It truly brought to mind the fraility of life.

As the day ended, Daniel and I made our way down to Bishan again. We had to tell my parents about it. In Mandarin, Daniel sought to explain my medical condition to them. I wasn't sure if they understood it better than yesterday. And as the pattern which we parted, we prayed together and asked God to work in our lives. It was another long day.

Chapter Three - Breaking the News

It has been a long Monday...but the day has not ended yet. We thought it best to go to Bishan and explain the situation to my parents. As I was just as oblivious about my condition, my mother who was my companion that day was oblivious too. All she knew came from me.

As Daniel, his parents and myself walked through the familiar door, I could sense some anxiety from my parents' questioning glances. We hurriedly dispense with the usual polite greetings, invited our parents to sit down in the living room and Daniel began his explanation in Mandarin, a language familiar to my mother. Doctoring has really equipped Daniel in several languages and dialect. I never really knew that he could speak rather fluently - particularly in expressing some medical terms in Mandarin. It was refreshing to see my husband at work, in a sense that he was breaking the news to the family members of the patient. When Daniel ended his explanation, there was an awkward silence. Almost immediately, my mother started asking questions -relevant and irrelevant. I admit I was irritated. I was upset. I couldn't understand how in such critical situations, she could ask about the credibility of the Prof and other irrelevant things. I confess that I had most probably responded in my flesh to her responses.

In my own frustration, I failed to realize that my mother perhaps did understand the gravity of the situation but simply didn't know how to express her confusion. Daniel gently reminded me after we left Bishan that from the look in my mother's eyes, she did understand. Before we left for home, for once, as a family, we sat down and prayed together that the Lord would show Himself and guide our paths in this situation.

I was exhausted.

Chapter Two - The Comfort of Our Lord

As the floodgates flowed, I felt comforted in Daniel's arms. But more wonderful was literally the immediate comfort my Lord gave me. He brought to rememberance the great work He did in my life 12 years ago - and reminded me of how He walked so close to me when I was 19 years of age. Perhaps, this was a chapter in my life that was unknown to many. Having made a fiasco of my JC years and not being able to obtain the necessary requirements for entry into local university, my life came to an abrupt stop. Those were truly rebellious years in my life - I was away from God, my family and church. I did not even see the importance of fulfilling my responsibilities as a student. My decision to retake my A levels as a private candidate was considered bold in many people's eyes but to me, it wasn't an option. It was what I had to do in order to rededicate my life to Him and love my God with all my heart, my mind and my soul.

That year was truly precious. Every morning was spent in God's word and talking to Him. I literally felt Him holding my hand each step of the way during those days. There was also much time to restore my fellowship with my parents which was in bad shape because of the priority I gave to my friends at school. Morning exercises with my daddy and having meals at home everyday with mommy and daddy were precious. The Lord blesses our obedience however we stray, if only we return. That milestone or perhaps more aptly 'millstone' 11 years ago has been a pillar of rememberance - just as how God reminds us to remember how He delivered the Israelites out of the land of Egypt.

Now 12 years later, it is another trying situation but praise be to God, it is still the SAME GOD who loves and comforts His children.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own;

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known.

Chapter One - The Reckoning

21 Jan, Monday

I looked anxiously at the clock in classroom 2N2 -11:35 am. I needed to rush down to Thomson Medical Centre [TMC] by 12 pm for my routine monthly check before Dr M Tan leaves for lunch. Finally the tune of 'Elephant Walk' chimed along the corridor, the signal for students to march off to their next homeroom. With a quick farewell to the class, I headed straight to the car and drove along the expressway. At 11:57, I plopped on the familar red pvc sofa outside Dr M Tan's clinic and waited for my turn. My mom arrived shortly at the clinic. She was my checkup companion that day. At 12:30, my name was called. Greetings as usual and at the back of my head I remembered Daniel's reminder, "Remember to check your cyst". Before climbing onto the bed, I reminded Dr M Tan of my cyst. As I laid on the bed and the ultrasound swept slowly across by abdomen, I could see baby bouncing back and forth. Another active baby - just like Jie Jie Sarah. That brought a smile to my face. But for the first time, I saw clearly another large cavity beside the placenta. It was bigger than the uterus. Dr M Tan took a longer time than usual to look at the cyst. As I made my way down the bed, she said, "I am going to send you upstairs for a more detailed scan. Please return to me after the scan is done."

There goes my afternoon was the first thought that came into my mind. Upstairs with the sonographer, the scan took a very long time. She was trying to capture some clear pictures for the Dr but apparently, she couldn't find my ovaries. The uterus appeared to be in the way. I went down back to Dr M Tan and back up again for another scan. Before I knew it, it was 3 pm. Finally, Dr M Tan concluded my long visit by telling me that she needed to schedule me for an operation the following Tuesday and to be on the safe side, she is having an oncologist onsite. I guess a few words there were suppose to ring the alarm in my head, but I think I was still really not sure what was going on. After speaking with Daniel on the phone, my husband apparently needed some time to do some consultation on his side. When I left the clinic that day, I think Daniel had arranged for me to see a Prof at KKH at 7:45 am the next day.

When I reached home that day about 5:30pm, I was still oblivious to the storm that was brewing. When my in-laws walked through the door, I thought they looked more worried than usual. When Daniel returned home, the first thing he did was to give me a kiss and hug me and he sat on the sofa looking at me with a suppressed look. By this time, I had some inclination that my condition was far worse than I thought it was. As I sat beside him, he spoke about how we have committed our lives to God and were seeking specifically for answers since December 2007. And that in this situation, we can only trust God to deliver us out. From the corner of my eye, I saw my mother-in-law wipe her tears away quickly. What does this all mean? As Daniel and I entered our room, I noticed that his eyes were filled with much sorrow. That immediately opened my floodgates. I think I finally understood the gravity of my situation.