Samuel Slideshow

Our Beloved Firstborn

Sarah has and will always have a special place in Daniel and my heart. Firstborns are really special. Though she is getting louder by the days and of course, smarter, as well as learning how to throw a tantrum - Sarah is a kind hearted girl who loves to be bullied by her "Shu Shus". By the way, she can say "ball" now [much to Daddy and Mommy's sheer delight]. Haha...and everything is a "ball" to her. Well, to all who are missing her because of mommy's procrastination, the following entries are devoted to Sarah's adventures:) We thank God for His blessings through our lovely Sarah.

Chapter 14: Chemo or No Chemo

The Lord brought us through 2 very successful operations with minimal disturbances to the foetus and with my optimistic prognosis of Stage 1A with clear cell cancer of the ovary, it did seem like this fiery trial was well over. But from a medical and default point of view, it was far from over. The full treatment includes chemotherapy as well. That was the scary one. Everything I know [which really was not much at all] about chemotherapy came from the portrayals in reel life. In real life, chemotherapy is seldom talked about. Many times, it is hushed up as patients we know go for their treatment in secret. So what I have in mind, is a form of aggressive treatment where patients come out weak, skinny and bald and of course, they were nauseous most of the time.

What increased our burden in this was that I was pregnant. While medical journals have records of how babies respond to chemotherapy, it is far and few. And many times, these studies are non conclusive due to the rarity of the situation. Some doctors would with no qualms suggest a termination of the pregnancy, followed by a total hysterectomy and chemotherapy thereafter. We were much thankful that in our case, Prof EH Tay had never once raised the option of terminating our pregnancy - that would have increased our dilemma although we knew what the Lord would definitely have us to do. Our pain was much reduced in this aspect. We were given the option to decide when to begin my chemo - a) To begin immediately in the midst pregnancy or b) To begin after delivery. Both options were fraught with much risks - risks for the baby for the former and risk for the mother for the latter. In all honesty, most patients are not given the option but all are strongly advise with option (a) due to the aggressive and unknown nature of this cancer. But as Daniel was a practicing oncologist, he was presented with the options due to professional respect.

Well, the next 2 weeks as we sought the Lord whether it was His will for us to go ahead with chemotheraphy would prove to be a difficult and painful 2 weeks - more for my husband than for me as he knew that as much as he would want to take on my burden, I would have to bear full weight of the consequences of whichever option it would be. But what was truly important to us as we sought the Lord was not the medical logic of the options presented to us. That really didn't matter anymore. We were greatly concern that we would walk the path that the Lord had meant for us to walk. We were walking on tenderhooks - and the only safe route was the one that the Lord revealed for us.

It was truly difficult. Many people who were praying for us and loved us didn't want me to go for chemotherapy. Naturally so...Dan and I were also praying that the Lord would reveal in that same direction. But only the Lord's revealed path could give us the confidence to walk the journey ahead. It was interesting how the Lord spoke to us during these 2 weeks as would be revealed in the next chapter.

"Uphold my steps in Your paths, That my footsteps may not slip. I have called upon You, for You will hear me, O God; Incline Your ear to me, and hear my speech. Show Your marvelous lovingkindness by Your right hand, O You who save those who trust in You From those who rise up against them. " Psalm 17:5-7

Chapter 13: Hearing & Obeying the Voice of God

This chapter is a necessary prelude to the next chapters - or more aptly in our lives to come. Hearing the voice of the Lord has truly been a precious and personal experience to me and my husband during this journey of faith and trust in our Great God. I am not referring here to visions or a voice that booms out from clouds - but it is the clear speaking of the Lord to our hearts as we search His Word and plead desperately to Him to reveal His will in our situation. The more we read His revealed word and depend and cast all our dependence onto Him, the clearer we hear His voice. The Holy Spirit quickens His Word and they take on a real and practical meaning in our lives. It was truly untaught lessons of practical FAITH.

It has indeed been a great comfort that I cannot describe. Is it because of our holiness that God speaks? Perhaps to the prophets and men of old - but in my situation, I think God chose to speak to me clearly because it was His way of showing me His abundant grace and mercy in time of need. To hear His voice at each hurdle of this journey was so vital to us because each decision had a huge stake attached to it - life itself. We couldn't make u-turns here.

After hearing the voice of God, the next step was to take those steps of faith, OBEY & FOLLOW along the path that God has paved for us. What a journey it has been...we could have only done it with the Lord on our side. And we only ask Him to give us the strength and courage to continue along His ordained path.

Chapter 12: Hitting the Odds

There would follow a second operation after the first -dated 17th Feb. That second operation was to remove my right ovary and lymph nodes. The prognosis after the second operation was even more grim for I was found to have clear cell cancer of the ovary.

I was definitely hitting all the odds. The occurence of a young female having clear cell cancer was indeed a rarity. Above it all, I was a pregnant young female. According to Dr Chua, there are only 4 such reported cases in the world. Perhaps more unreported, but nonetheless, rare. Through this 'bizzare' revelation of events since 21st Jan, Daniel and I knew that all this clearly did not happen by chance but that God had allowed all this to happen. In His sovereign plan and will, He has it all charted out.

Did I ask that one million dollar question: Why me, God? You bet I did. There were many unanswered questions. I definitely needed time to understand how a normal person like me, with no family history of cancer could contract an aggressive form of cancer and life seems to change almost immediately.

But I thank God for His grace in time of need - that His grace was sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. His working and faithfulness in my life since I was young never at once made me grow angry or disappointed with His choice of path for my life. I did not dare get angry at my God. But it definitely baffled me and brought me down to my knees as I plead with God to give me understanding of His 'strange' path of moving and working. With nothing else to hold on to [not even life and health itself], I could only trust God to carry me through this journey.

God is gracious for He never left me nor forsook me. In His love, He gave me a husband who loved Him with all his heart as well as a husband who is trained in this field of oncology. He gave me a family who could interceed on my behalf. He gave me a people of God who also interceeded on my behalf. He provided us with a domestic helper who loved Him, is a good help and could pray for her Mam. The list goes on and on.

Now I can only trust Him to help me beat the odds.

Our Special Note to Sarah

Dear Sarah,

You have been growing leaps and bounds everyday, by the grace of God. Each time, you never fail to amaze and amuse us. At 10 months, you took your first step in pursuit of your favourite fruit juice and it has since progressed to a stumble, an amble and now, you are semi-running. In recent days, you can even do a dance. Then, came the 11th month when you started blabbering dada, mama, yaya [indiscriminately] and that has since culminated into pretty understandable baby talk, particularly if you want to get something. At 12 months, you seem to understand our requests and when you ignore us, upturn your cute nose and carry on with your play, somehow, we think you know. Just last week, you can nod and shake you head to questions much to our delight. Of course, when we asked if you wanted to sleep and you shook your head, it was only semi-amusing as the night draws to a close. We are particularly glad that you enjoy toddlers class every Sunday and can sit with the older children to listen to Bible stories and follow along in the actions and songs. We thank God for you and truly think you are His special gift to Daddy and Mommy and the rest of our family. May God continue to teach us how to train you in the way of the Lord so that you would come to know Him and love Him too. We love you very much Sarah and give thanks to God always for you.

with much love and kisses,

Daddy & Mommy

19 April - Sarah's Birthday and Thanksgiving Service

The Lord granted us this beautiful chalet, again through an utterance of prayer and withheld the rains on April 19th for us to remember & proclaim His goodness in our lives since the birth of Sarah, her growth as well as leading and protecting the family since Jan. We thank God for the many hands that made this event possible as well as the love and prayers of family and friends that have sustained us during this trying period. Our song for this occassion:

How vast His grace, How great His faithfulness
How deep His love, How rich His mercy
How high His thoughts, How sure His wisdom
And all of these, He gives to me*

*Chorus:
So I will praise Him with every breath
For He has rescued me from certain death
And now this life I live, I live in Him
Oh let His glory shine, while mine grows dim

How just His ways, How good His discipline
How pure His truth, How kind His goodness
How calm His peace, How long His patience
And all of these, He gives to me*

How broad His power, How grand His majesty
How true His reign, How bright His glory
How strong His might, How clear His triumph
And all of these, He gives to me*

Photos of the event and our family and friends - many thanks to Yanhowe:)

Grandma & Grandpa - Shu Shu David & Auntie Chiaochyi & Hannah

Duayi Dawn - Shu Shu Darrell

Uncle Dr Chua - Uncle Waikin & Auntie FongMeng

Seethors & Teos

Malcolm - Charissa & Angelyn

Auntie LaiMoi, Auntie Adeline, Auntie Esther - Mingyong & Weifang

Youths - Erin & Sandra

Darren & WeeBeng - Uncle Moses & Auntie Yinfong

Carina, Sylvia, Elaine, Cheryl - Auntie Sylvia, Kaima, Uncle Kwai Sung, Dr & Mrs Chua

The Teos

The Extended Teos

The Tans & Seethors

The Seethors

Uncle Henry & Duayi & Sarah [after her bath]

The Lams

Chapter 11 - The Operation

4th Feb - At 8:30 am, Daniel and myself, my mother-in-law and father-in-law made our way KK for the operation. My mom and dad were to arrive later after putting Sarah in Daniel's auntie's charge. After the paperwork and pre-op preparations, we spent a large portion of our waiting time praying and reading psalms. Many were there to pray that day, Pastor, my sister, Sis Eileen, Auntie Maggie, Auntie Joy and Uncle Kwai Sang and my family.

As I proceeded to the ultrasound room, to the operating theatre, I literally felt so covered and protected in my Father's arms through the prayers of His people - there was no fear. Of course, there was sadness all round for everyone around me. Before being wheeled into the theatre, I spent some wonderful time with Daniel, remembering how the Lord has given us so much time together - from the time we started dating in 1992 to our present year in 2008. 16 years of a wonderful and godly companion. We ask God to give us more by His mercy. Daniel wrote me a love letter that day [haha... something that he has not done for a pretty long time] - filled with his love and God's words to accompany me in that operating theatre. I held it tightly in my hand and stuffed it under my pillow for fear that they would throw it away.

The next few hours during the operation was painless for me as I went under GA. But for my family and all those praying for me outside the theatre, it was a difficult time. The preliminary results of the operation - yolk sac tumor, a form of germ cell cancer. Below is the post operation email sent out by my hubby in verbatim.

Dearest Praying Friends,

You have all become very precious to us through this trial, and I hope the Lord will draw all of us closer to Him and to each other in the following weeks, months and years to come. Fellowship in the word and prayer as we have done and you all have done for us is heaven on earth that we have experienced. I earnestly yearn for this to carry on forever. Through these, God fills us with His love and His presence and we feed on His goodness.

Brethren, God has heard us and answered our prayers according to His will. As more unfolds, we hope to see the picture even more clearly and give Him great praise and glory. I long to see His answers to these prayers. For now, the prayings and seeking of God continues for us, and I ask you will continue to join us in doing so. From experience, I know that this takes effort from your busy schedules and can be exhausting, so please accept our deepest gratitude for your love to us. We love to share our lives with you and hope that you will be pleased to share in our joys and our sadness, our blessings and sometimes our adversity.

Here is a brief update of the situation:

The surgery went well and smooth as planned, with the Right ovarian cyst, tumor and fallopian tube removed clean and sucessfully by a kind and caring Prof. From what he could see, the tumor was well contained and there was no apparent disease elsewhere in the pelvis or abdominal cavity. The frozen section showed a cancerous cell type called- yolk sac tumor, a form of germ cell cancer. Because such a cell type is very responsive to chemotherapy and has good cure rates, that was all the surgery neccessary and it did not proceed to more removal of organs- for that I am extremely thankful to God. Joann remains well and is resting in the High Dependency ward for the next 2 days. We appreciate if visitors come perhaps on Thurs onwards (only if free!) Here is the medical situation for your understanding in prayers and supplications:

1) The next 48 hrs is critical for stabilisation of the womb and baby. ie risk of miscarriage is highest these 2 days.

2) The final histology will give us a sure picture of the stage and cell type of the cancer, so as to decide on what other treatment is needed. itll probably take 2-3 days

3) A decision has to be made regarding the type of chemotherapy to administer for optimal cure of disease, and care of baby

4) Chemotherapy if indicated (likely will be) should commence next week.

Spiritually, we know that God is the giver of life and works all things together for good. As we have handed over all these to Him, we ask that He will honour His name and preserve the lives of both His children. The permutations of possibilities can be baffling, but we pray the Great Physician will sort it out. Also, we pray the final histology will be favorable just as the frozen section was.

Further to these, I will just like to share with you that this cancer is very rare, and for it to occur with pregnancy is even rarer. Plus for it to occur in my wife who has had perfect health and no family history, and to the wife of a training oncologist makes it more than just a coincidence. And for this to happen to God's children who have given their lives to Him makes it clearly NOT a mistake. I do not know what God has planned, but this must be part of His plan for our lives, so we continue to present our heart's petitions to Him. Im sure some will have questions on how this thing arose etc and so on but honestly I think that it is beyond logical answer. Lets look to the Lord.

Brethren, pls uphold us before God in the days to come as these things unfold, that once again our trust would be upon Him first, rather than on facts and figures. Thank you all so much for bearing our burdens, and God willing, I really hope to be able to share our joys with you, as well as to bear your burdens if there are any in time to come just as you have for us.

Love in Christ, Daniel, Joann and Sarah (who is doing just fine)

Chapter Ten - The Prayer Meeting

3rd Feb - The night before the operation, we had a prayer meeting at our house. Church folks came to pray with and for us - Auntie Joy, Uncle Kwai Sang, Auntie Lai Moi, Auntie Annie, Uncle Simon and Auntie Esther, Irene and Kok Wing and Daniel's family and mine. It was with heavy hearts as we prayed, pleaded and cried out to the Lord - but the Lord brought much confidence and assurance to us all that night. The prayer meeting lasted till midnight and we all parted as I prepared to rest for the surgery the next day.

Chapter Nine - The Heavenly Reunion

As the events of 2008 unfolded, we all thought there would not be any reunion dinners because my operation was slated on the 4th Feb [the week of CNY celebrations]. But the Lord provided a heavenly reunion that was to last beyond all the festivities.

In my earlier entry, one of my long standing prayer was for my mommy to accept the Lord as her personal Saviour. My mommy has never rejected the Lord's teaching nor the church's ways for our lives. In fact, she was the one who planned that we attended a Christian kindergarten as well as brought us to Sunday school because she wanted us to learn the right and good ways of being a person. For that, I am very thankful. All these made a difference in my sister's and my life. However, these things that she did for us made no difference in her life as long as she did not give up her life, her thoughts, her ideas to God.

That Sunday, my sister and Henry, my brother-in-law decided to speak to my mother again. So as planned, after dinner and a time of prayer together, Daniel and I brought Sarah home so that my mother would not be distracted by her. That night, they shared the gospel with her. It wasn't easy for my mother to accept the Lord during this time of crisis - she felt in a way that she was cheating and taking advantage of God by coming to Him in a time of desperate need. This is really not new... I have heard of this reason used by many people. Many feel a need to get their life in order before coming to the Lord. But you know what, when people get their lives in order, they realize that they don't need God. But, it is precisely because our most desperate, helpless and needy plight that Christ came down to die on the cross for. He wants to save us 'Just As We Are'.

For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost."

Luke 19:10

I thank God that my mother saw that night that it was no longer about her - her perceptions, her ideas and what she thought about herself. But rather that salvation is all about the Lord and what He has done for us - to save us from the penalty of sin through His precious blood which He shed on the cross. The weather was interesting at the time my mother prayed the sinner's prayer with Henry - but I shall not elaborate to dramatize it more than needed.

When my sister called me and told me that my mother accepted the Lord - my emotions were really mixed. But they all manifested through tears of joy, mingled more with shame [in all honesty]. Joy for reasons plain and clear. Shame because while my mother's salvation was a matter of prayer - it was not desperate nor consistent in my life. That the Lord worked His wonderful gift of salvation that night inspite of me, made me realized that it was not about me nor anyone but simply that the Lord desires all to be saved. Imagine what years we could have saved and how many loved ones would have come to know Him if we fell at our knees everyday and plead with Him to save.

Ironically, I think the Lord taught me much that night then all the nights put together since I have learnt about my condition.